Unbelievable....

I really don't know how to start to explain all of this.... but here goes.

Babycenter.com. I guess you could say I have developed an addiction to that site every since Bryson was conceived. The site has tons of information and also has tons of boards that are created to talk to other ladies as you go through your journeys together. There are boards for everything it seems.. (conception, pregnancy, death, etc) well I joined the December 09 board, because that was when Bryson was due. So all the ladies on there were due that month and we could discuss how our pregnancies were going. There's a topic on there that is titled "Birth Announcements". When Bryson was born, I posted the details and included his caringbridge link.

So anyway, about three weeks ago, I was reading other birth announcements that followed. Knowing they were due in December, I realized before reading that they were all either in NICU or in heaven. One of the announcement had a caringbridge link.. so naturally, I clicked on it and have been following it every since.

Little Breck was born early and only weighed like a pound or two. I can't remember exactly, but he was little. Some of you may remember me posting the link on facebook, asking for prayers for Breck and the family. The updates were daily and my heart just ached for the entire family.  They had added several pictures of him. He didn't look anything like Bryson of course but I could so relate to all the tubes, his small size, the NICU surroundings, etc. Everyday I posted messages of prayer, hope, belief, faith, concern and support. Every day I prayed for God to comfort Breck, his mommy and daddy. I relived the pain but was consumed  with concern for them. Breck's daddy had posted a update that Mommy wasn't doing good emotionally, had withdrawn for everyone and wasn't having alot to do with Breck.
One day, his mommy emailed me. She had kept up with Bryson' story through his short life and wanted to thank me for the comments on Breck's site and asked how I made it through being a NICU mom.   She asked for advice and I gladly replied. I explained as much as I could about how I loved Bryson through those plastic walls. How I sang to him, talked to him, prayed over him, cried for him - all without concern about what the people around me thought. I didn't care that I can't carry a tune, I wanted my baby to know I loved him. I know all parents deal with having a child in this condition differently but I desperately wanted her to have no regrets... to love him every way she could.. no matter what. Well, the next day, there was an update on caringbridge. I immediately went to the site, just like with every update, expecting to read the miracles God had performed. This day, his daddy had posted the update that he was doing a little better and that mommy had talked to Breck for the first time. I was in tears! All I could do was thank God for using me to help this mommy love on her baby boy, who was struggling so much. It helps me deal with loosing Bryson when I see God's hand move like this!
So.... the days go on and updates continue. Good days and bad, just like most babies in the NICU, just like Bryson. Breck had brain bleeds on both sides and PVL.  I continued to pray pray pray! Then there comes this update that Breck's kidneys were failing... :-( this is what took Bryson. It crushed me!! No God.. Please God!  A day or so later, they update that the physicians are going to start dialysis. WHAT??!! Bryson's physicians... all four of them.... assured us that dialysis was not an option for a baby of this size. Breck's going to get dialysis?! I honestly didn't know how to feel. Excited for them!!! But what? Should I call the physicians here and tell them it's possible? I'm sure they will think I'm crazy. If Breck's getting dialysis, why didn't they at least try it on Bryson.

The following day, an update comes, the dialysis is working. He's doing so much better. My heart was split.. full of joy and pain. So excited for Breck, so crushed that it could have helped Bryson. I had always kept Coit informed on Breck's updates. Together, we were so shocked that this was working and we never had a chance at it. Bitter, of course... but how could I feel this way when I had asked God to help Breck pull through this? Remember those hearts we used to buy that were split down the middle that said "Best" on one side and "friends" on the other. Perfect picture of my heart. "Praise God" .. "Why God"?
The update came that the dialysis was removing too much fluid and he was doing so well that they were going to discontinue it for a few days. Wow! Again, thank you God for answering prayers and giving Breck this miracle..... but what about Bryson. I continued to leave honest heartfelt messages of prayer, hope and concern. I honestly was excited for the entire family!

This leads me to today. I have this habit of , when there are no new updates, I go to the guestbook page to see if anyone close to the family has signed it, that may have up to date info. There's a new comment. It's this rude person,  posting a suspicious link and saying that Breck doesn't really exist. They went on to say that this person was just making this story up to get money. The link was suppose to prove that the pictures of Breck were really another baby.. from another site.... another babies story. It was signed, a "concern friend". I know that spam is everywhere but geezz... how could someone post something like this on a caringbridge page when a families entire world is falling apart???
I signed in to leave my usual comment of hoping Breck had a good night and that I continued to pray for them. I added that it was so sad that someone would leave a post such as that and that they should overlook people. I signed into Bryson's caringbridge, as I do everyday... but this time I looked to see if guestbook comments can be deleted. I would be furious if someone had done that on Bryson's page and would delete it immediately. Can't delete them.
So an hour or so later, I get an email. It's from this same person... a concern friend. She/ He asked me if I had looked at the link and continued to try and convince me that it was all made up. I replied that the link looked suspicious.. it wasn't a site I had ever heard of and, of course, it was a virus right? I asked that they send me proof. Well I couldn't stand it any longer. Why would someone be so persistent  to make me believe this? I went to the link. It took me to the march of dimes website, which I visit frequently too. They also have boards to discuss our stories. This story was dated May 2008. It told of her son who was born early and had spent months in the NICU. She was giving a 2 year update on how he's doing now. Well, there are attachments at the bottom.... pictures. I anxiously click the link. Would you believe, it's the picture of "Breck"? The exact picture of "Daddys" finger with the wedding ring in the shot. Absolutely no mistaking it, it was the exact picture. So this picture was posted in May of 2008 ... and "Breck" was just born in September??? What??? I replied to the concern friend and she told me that babycenter had deleted "Breck's mommys" account and that caringbridge was investigating this story. I went to babycenter and the "birth announcement" was gone. I went back to the email she had sent me and replied to it asking what was going on? What is the deal with all of these comments that Breck's story is not real? I hit send.  I became numb.
But she emailed me? I helped her through talking to Breck? The brain bleeds. The dialysis was working? What is going on? The many prayers I had lifted? The tears I had cried? It's not real? What?
Immediately, I get an email from caringbridge. It's an update notification for Breck. This is going to be mommy or daddy explaining that "a concerned friend" was bogus. I clicked the link. Breck's caringbridge site has been deleted. It no longer exist.

Other than telling this as close as I can remember it, I am in complete shock. This baby, mommy and daddy that I have become attached to.... it's all a lie!! What kind of person could sit there for WEEKS and make this stuff up? What kind of person could email me asking me how to deal with the emotions? What kind of person could know Bryson's story, know that dialysis was never an option and fabricate this lie that dialysis is saving her baby. What kind of person could live this kind of lie? There were eight pages of updates... weeks of this story. I feel so ........ gosh....... I don't know what to call it. Betrayed? But I've never even met these people? Angry? Of course!  UNBELIEVABLE!!!

As I wonder what God was thinking all those times I was praying for "Breck, his mommy and  his daddy".... I was praying for whoever was keeping the page updated.. I am reminded that..... whoever was keeping the page updated ... NEEDS our prayers!!! I've had a copy of one of Pastor Lott's recent sermons in the cd player for a week or so and haven't taken time to listen to it. On my way to Birmingham today, just after all this came to light, I listened to it. He was preaching on how we shouldn't judging people. Specifically, how we shouldn't judge their intentions. WOW God. I really don't know why a person would do this or how they could, but I pray that whatever it is they are seeking, they will discover that only God can fill a void so big.